i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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