Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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