don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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