The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
