Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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