so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
