This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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