you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
