I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
