I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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