I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
