She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He has the fingertips of a God
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