My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
