sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
