We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
