Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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