Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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