Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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