Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
