I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
