Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
