see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
