i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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