somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
