Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i love accidental penises.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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