He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sober January is a disaster.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
