he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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