so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
