i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
