You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
