I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
