This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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