He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
