Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
