in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
