after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
