Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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