new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
