My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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