My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
