everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
