So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
