Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
