i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
