You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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