there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
