none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
