She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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