there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
