last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
